The time I didn’t talk about…

Dear Greyson,

I’ve wondered a lot over the past few months if I would ever blog or write to you about what I’m about to, while we were going through it, I couldn’t bear to write about it, thinking in my head that putting it on paper (the Internet) would make it more true. Your daddy and I were sick with worry, gripped with fear, frustrated and scared. It’s only now, now that you are back to being fine (which you always were) back to just the normal kid sick (colds and flus and coughs) and not the seriously sick kid sick, that mommy can breathe again and think and possibly blog about the end of 2011 scare that about sent mommy over the sanity edge.

It all started with what I thought was you being impatient, whenever mommy was trying to talk to your teacher, or check out at the store, or get in the car to go somewhere, you suddenly had to pee. It got worse, and then alarmingly worse and off to the Dr we went because we figured bladder infection – easy enough. Except the meds didn’t work and suddenly you were peeing 8-10 times an hour all day long, up a million times at night and crying because you always felt like you had to go. We switched antibiotics, this will do the trick we were told. It didn’t and you got worse, and then there was the day I saw a look on our doctors face that still haunts me. As she felt your lower stomach she said she could “feel something” it was painful to you, you had blood in your urine, we were being sent to have your blood drawn and for U/S and scans and all kinds of tests… I know that I kept living because I’m still here, but I don’t know how, I felt my heart stop, my breathe get stuck in my throat, my brain did nothing but scream…

We went to have vials and vials of blood drawn and you screamed. You sat on my lap and I pinned you next to me with one arm, keeping your other arm held out straight and you screamed, it was awful. You told your daddy later that they took 7 MILES (rather than vials) of your blood and it was the first time I had laughed that day. We were referred to Nemours, one of the best pediatric children’s hospitals in our area. After your pediatrician couldn’t find any of what he said “were the easy things to fix”… My heart continued to sink. Mommy fought and cried and begged for a quick appointment with Nemours, the first available they had was a month away and there was no way I was waiting a month… So with a little Momma Bear ferocity I had your tests and appointment scheduled within 2 days.

When we went for the US of your kidney’s I instantly knew, I knew it in my bones that something was wrong. The tech took so much time on your right kidney compared to your left… The next day was your appointment with nephrology and I picked up your U/S report to take it with us. I of course ripped it open and there it was… Your right kidney, pelvictasis. Your right kidney was way bigger than your left, an Internet search found me with more questions and even more worry!! Leading cause of pevictasis is a mass that presses on your kidney causing it to swell, which in turn causes the frequent urination. The only word that stood out to me was mass…

Your daddy was on a plane for business, I left him a message in full on tears telling him what the U/S showed, I was devastated, I couldn’t breathe… I held you so tight, you had been sleeping with us for nights, I didn’t want to be anywhere but next to you. In the car we headed to Orlando, we had to stop so many times to let you use the potty… I felt like I was swimming, everything seemed so surreal to me, I was prepared for the worst news of my life, but had no idea how to handle it…

The doctors and nurses at Nemours were amazing, the appointment took hours, especially when you had to go to the potty every 5-10 minutes. We went over your results; we took x-rays, another scan, more urinalysis tests…

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As we got in the car and I picked up the phone to call your daddy I was literally giddy, giggling and laughing and shaking my head… you my dear, were quite literally full of POO!! Even though you go every day, even though we’ve struggled with this for a few years, you still were holding it during the day, only comfortable to go at home, and though you were going at home, you still had a back-up… That back-up was pressing into your kidneys… The nephrologists said it was a huge credit to the fact that you do eat so many fruits and veggies that you were still going everyday and that’s why this “issue” has developed so slowly. We were sent home with some “serious” clean out your kid stuff… The next 2 days were not fun in the slightest… you basically lived on the potty, mommy got a horrible sinus infection and cold and well we were both miserable, yet so incredibly HAPPY!! I went from my hugest fears of losing you to just adding a little Miralax to your daily Gatorade… We cut out all caffeine and soda’s (which you didn’t drink a ton of, but some) and added even more fiber to your diet and just like that you are now back to completely normal (well, as normal as any child of mine can be…)

Oh Greyson Lee… I can’t tell you how I worried, mommy tires to take the positive out of things like this. For me it was that reminder that so many things can wait, extra snuggle time, extra book time, extra play time, extra just lay in bed with you at night and talk time are SO much more important. It reminded me to slow down, seriously slow down and remember to LOVE on you so much more.

I’m so so so very happy that you are the healthy little nutcase that you are. You my love are my everything and while I hated the worry and the stress, I’ll take it all over again 100 times more if it means getting to see your cute face each and every morning.

I love you forever and always,
Momma