We were introduced to the “Love and Logic” concept at Greyson’s school last year, after some reading up on the “concept” we realized that it was relatively close to the way we raise/discipline/teach Greyson or attempt to on average already, and loved the ideas, the thoughts and the ways we could do a better job of incorporating the basic principles into our/his life.
I should probably say first, that why it would be a blast to take all the credit for what a well behaved child Greyson is, I can’t, we just got really really lucky. He’s simply just a good kid and why I realize that we foster his “good” behaviors and give him the best possible environment to let those behaviors shine, the bottom line is, we just have a very chill kid, he’s a rule follower by nature, he aims to please by nature, he’s shy and sweet and often a bit reserved by nature. It makes being parents, disciplinarians, teachers, example setters, and even often friends or our child in a word – easy. Not to say he’s perfect, because trust me, he has his moments, but for the most part, he’s pretty perfect!
The other day I had this great Love and Logic moment with him that I’d wanted to blog about, and since my blog is all depressing and blah right now, I needed something to post so… TaDa!!
Greyson showers with Greg or I on a pretty regular basis, (I realize that this probably could lead to whole additional post about modesty and when is too old to be around your parents naked… and at this point we’re not there, the kid loves to be naked, we’re not a prudish family in any way I guess… I mean come on, I nursed the kid until he was over TWO, what did you expect??) Anyway, on to Love and Logic….
I was getting ready to get in the shower and Greyson said he wanted to take one too, but he was also playing on his I-Pod touch and I knew I didn’t have his full attention.
“Bud, I’m getting in the shower.”
“Ok, I want to come”
“Alrighty, see you in there…”
I took my shower and no Greyson. Now I could have yelled and screamed from the bathroom, but he’s 6 and this was a good opportunity to let him make his choices and deal with the consequences. We had nowhere to go, there was no need for him to take a quick shower, the situation was perfect for a little Love and Logic.
I’m out of the shower getting dressed and in he pops. Instant tears!
“I wanted to take a shower with you!!!”
“I know you did.”
“Why didn’t you come get me?!?!” he cried and cried and kept repeating this…
(Now I could have said – Go to your room until your done crying, I could have said I told you and you didn’t come it’s your own fault, I could have ignored him, yelled at him, told him to stop, forced him to take a shower on his own, I could have given in and taken another shower just to make it easier… lot’s of wrong options that wouldn’t teach him a thing…)
“I’m sorry that your sad and disappointed” (I showed him a little empathy.)
“I really wanted to take a shower with you!”
“I know that you did, what happened?”
“You didn’t tell me!!”
“Are you sure?”
“Well, you did but I got busy playing my game!!” and more tears started.
“Well buddy, I’m sorry that you made a choice that now has you upset and still in need of a shower, I’m going to finish getting ready, and you let me know when you have a solution.”
“What are my options?” (I love that he’s now asking for his options!! Ha!)
“Well, what do YOU think would be good options?”
“I don’t know! You tell me!”
“You’re a super smart boy Greyson, I know you can do this, you think about it for a bit and if you need some help later, I will help you, but I just bet you can come up with GREAT options, all on your own!”
“I want to take another shower with you!”
“I’ve already taken my shower and I’m getting dressed now.”
Sniffles… thinking… sniffles…
“Well, I guess I could take a shower on my own… OR maybe I could take a bath and you could sit and talk to me?”
“Those both sound like great options!”
“Will you sit and talk with me while I take a bath momma?”
“I’ll tell you what bud, you go get your bath started, and I’ll finish up in here and be there when I can.”
And off he happily skipped, feeling in control, feeling like he solved his own dilemma, because he did!! He had the power to make the choices, both good and bad and he learned. He learned about consequences, about problem solving. My hopes are that these small lessons now (lessons that can be taught in controlled circumstances) will lead to him having the confidence and the experience to make good choices, and to be a good problem solver as he gets older and the consequences are much more severe.
Was it the most enjoyable thing to stand there with dripping wet hair on cold tile to talk to my son? Nope. Did I enjoy listening to all the tears? Nope. Did I want to just make him stop, make that moment stop by either yelling or ignoring or giving in – ABSOLUTELY. Was the lesson WAY more important that any of that… ABSOLUTELY!!
Love and Logic… heavy on the love please… :0)
