Why, hello there...

Oh yeah, that's right, I have a blog I'm supposed to update...

I wish I had fun tales of all the great things we've been doing as a reason for my apparent lack of blogging, but alas, no, I don't. We've just been doing the same ole' thing and well, I've just not been in a posting sort of mood. However, today we did something fun so I thought I'd share!! I'll try to be better about posting as well from now on.

After a bit of a break (as in Spring Break) we finally got back to Disney today. It's sad really that I no longer need a map to get around the park, my 3 year old can tell me which way to go to get to any attraction, character, or snack joint, he also knows the short cuts and where the fast pass distributions are... yeah, maybe we go a tad often??

Anyway... Here is a short video of today's fun!!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Meet "Jelly"

This is Jelly:

He’s the newest member of our household. Jelly’s home was inhabited by a gold fish named Heaven (lived 40 hours) and a second goldfish also named Heaven (lived 6 hours), before we realized that our home is apparently the place gold fish come to die. So, we found Jelly, he’s a blue male beta fish and apparently he didn’t get the memo that this is the last stop before flush town because he’s hanging in there, and Greyson LOVES him. I love him as well because unlike goldfish he a.) lives b.) barely eats anything and c.) you only have to change his water once a week!!

(smile for the camera Jelly..... Cheese!)

(I'm VERY happy to see you Jelly!!)
(he loves Jelly, I love him...)

From Toddler Bed to Big Boy Bed…

A couple of weeks ago Greyson told me, “Mommy, I need a bigger bed, I need more rooooooommmm!!” So, mattress shopping we went and his toddler bed was converted from toddler bed, to big boy bed. Can I just mention here again, how happy we’ve been with this convertible crib!! It’s a Baby’s Dream and it was worth every penny (especially since the in-laws were the ones shelling out the pennies!!). It was a beautiful crib, the transition to toddler bed was SUPER easy and now it’s a gorgeous full size bed. It’s a tad on the high side (whoops, guess we should have bought a little bit less of a comfy mattress!!) but we found a great safety rail that tucks away into tracks that are between the mattress and the box springs so we can pop it up at night and the slide it away during the day if we want. Greyson loves it, he’s sleeping great in it and I can’t even begin to express how great it is to cuddle up in bed to read bedtime stories and lay with him until he falls asleep some nights…. Ahhh… it’s heaven.

(See ya later Toddler Bed, you've been great but it's time to go...)

(Ahhh.... room to stretch out... and yes, he sleeps with lots of "buddies"...)

Proof that I'm an evil evil mommy....

Maybe it's time for a haircut??

(I know, I know, I should be ashamed of my self... but he looks SO cute even with the tears!! He make's the cutest little girl!!!)

(what? you've never chased your son around the house trying to get pictures of the pig-tails he's so desperately trying to pull out?? psh....)

I promise, PROMISE to never do this again. I think I just gave my son his first topic for his future therapy sessions.

3 months…

Some days it’s still so very hard, my heart is still so bruised, so raw, so un-well. I’ve moved into this place of feeling like my grief has become a burden, everyone around me skirting by the issue, hoping and praying that nothing will set me off. I feel as if the whole world wants to forget, they want to forget my baby, my loss, my pain. I don’t want to forget, I don’t want to move on. Every single day feels wrong, it’s wrong that I’m working out like I am, trying to lose a little weight, I should be gaining. It’s wrong that I’m drinking a soda, I should be avoiding caffeine, it’s wrong that I can carry Greyson all the way through the grocery store, I shouldn’t be able to pick him up. It’s in my face every day in the flatness of belly, the missing kicks… I don’t know how to heal, I’ve come to realize that getting back to the “old Heather” will never happen, that girl is no longer inside me. I keep thinking that I should be doing better, I should be ok, I should be moving on and instead my heart just aches. I have so much, so much that I love, so much that sustains me, so much to be thankful for and yet at moments I feel so completely lost. Today Greyson drew a face with a sad face instead of a happy face. I asked “who is that baby?” “It’s you mommy” he replied. “Why did you give me a sad face?”

“Because you lost your baby.”

Everyday my heart hurts, some days more than others. It’s been 3 months (yesterday). Part of me is still very much in that day 3 months ago, it’s still so present, that it’s almost unfathomable for me that 3 whole months have passed.

Ahhh!!!

What a week! We’ve been SO busy. Greyson has started soccer, he’s also outgrown his toddler bed, so we converted it to his full size bed and I have a whole post about that coming soon I promise, and about soccer too! We also upgraded our computer, which resulted in losing a few things we thought we had backed up and ended up frying my I-Pod (nice…), and I’m not really good with change to start with, so new computer systems and now having to go buy a new I-Pod (because I seriously can’t go more than a few days without it!!!) I’ve been stressed! Alas, there is a silver lining and it comes in the form of the most recent version of Photoshop and LIGHTROOM!! How I’ve lived without Lightroom is beyond me, it so completely and totally rocks!

Here’s the proof!!

Wordless Wednesday...