I’m mad. I’m pissed off, I’m furious. I want to scream and curse and tell people off. I want to hit something, someone, I want everyone to hurt as bad as I am and then some. I want to be left alone, I want tons of attention. I want everyone to say the right thing, but there is no right thing so just shut up. I’m so angry that it hurts, it physically hurts.
I haven’t slept in 5 days. I’m up all night roaming the house, sitting in front of this stupid computer, message boards, support boards, medical pages, grief pages, reasons, signs, how to cope. My eyes feel as if they will soon just fall out of my head, it hurts to have them open, it hurts to have them closed. My pain meds don’t even begin to touch the raging headache. I’m terrified to fall asleep yet it’s the one thing I’m craving the most. I’m physically shutting down and mentally fighting it every step of the way.
I’m so totally screwed.
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