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My Dear Sweet Baby,

Hi sweetheart it’s mommy. I’m so sorry sweetie that we never got the chance to meet face to face. I wish so very badly that I could hold you and get to know you. Today mommy and daddy went to the Dr. to go over the reports of what went wrong. I’ve been so scared of what we would find out this day, I knew in my heart that nothing we would hear would be good, but I feared so much that we would find out that mommy’s body is what failed us, or that if we would have done something sooner we could have had a different outcome. What we found out though was that we couldn’t have done anything different, for some reason you stopped growing and developing around 12 weeks. We were able to see you at 12 weeks and 4 days on ultrasound and know that at that time you still had a steady heartbeat and were jumping all around in mommy and sucking on your fingers, but shortly thereafter, things happened and you passed on. Mommy is actually a little relieved to know that you were tucked away, safe and warm inside me when you passed, my biggest fear is that your little heart was still beating when mommy had you, but now I know that there was nothing we could have done, you were already gone.

I’m so sad and I miss you so much. You have no idea how much we wanted you, how long we tried for you, how many tears have been shed for you. You will always be my boy, always in my heart, thought of every day. Life will never be the same because you are not here with us. We had to meet with a funeral director today, we picked out a very teeny tiny urn for your ashes. It felt so odd for mommy and daddy to be there, doing that. I kept thinking to myself how surreal the whole thing felt, how wrong it was to casually flip through a catalog to pick an urn, how do you decide on something like that? We’ll have to go back in about a week to pick up your ashes and I know that day is going to be a tough one. It’s not the way we’re supposed to be bringing you home.

Thank you sweet boy for giving mommy those precious weeks of pregnancy, I’m so sorry I complained about being sick all the time. You have no idea how I wish I was sick again if it meant having you with me. I love you so much, you’ll never be forgotten, and you’ll never be replaced, my heart will long for you every day for the rest of my life.

Love,
Momma