December 9th 2008, it was the last post I made while still pregnant… I had taken Greyson over to the beach for a photo shoot, I remember actually feeling so much better as I noted in the post, 15 weeks pregnant and hopefully over all the morning sickness…
I’ve let a lot slide when it comes to my blog this past year and I regret it very much… I’ve not written about Greyson and the things he’s doing, I won’t be able to look back and remember, I’ve taken thousands less pictures, I won’t be able to look back and see… I have regrets. I feel like I’ve let him down, let myself down, and let our family down. I hope to do better next year and every year thereafter, it’s been hard for me to re-adjust the picture of our family, to come to grips with it being just the 3 of us, I had always thought 4, at least 4. I’m thankful that we are 3, so lucky, so privileged and loved and happy that we are 3 and yet, there is still that emptiness… I’m not done, but I am.
How very much can change it just one year… I’m not the girl I was a year ago. I’m a different wife, a different mother, a different person all together… Some changes are welcome, some I’m learning to live with. I can’t help but wonder what the next year will bring, will I change once again, accept the skin I’m in, or will I find myself as restless then as I am now… trying so hard to make right what feels so wrong…
I think of you every day my dear sweet friend...I know how hard this year has been for you. Let me tell you, its ok to be different now, we have changed and we will never be our old self but we do become a new self....
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