Self pity, poor me, ugh…
I’m surrounded by new babies, one of my very dearest and closest friends is pregnant. I am SO happy for all of them, I truly am, and I would be devastated if they tried to protect me by keeping me out of everything they are going through, I want to be there for them, I want to be happy and part of it all, but some days… some days it just hurts.
Today I stood there holding a brand new 2 week old baby (a beautiful baby girl that I get to photograph this weekend – SO excited) while looking across the room at one of best friends and her adorable teeny tiny belly… I was equal parts over the moon thrilled for them, and bottom of the barrel, steam rolled, heart ripped out, sad for me…
I hear so often that I still have time, there are days that I think, maybe I could try again… then the memories of that day come back… the gripping fear… and beyond that the cold hard facts: Greyson is 6 years old, Greg is 44… I don’t still have time, we’re done.
Enter self pity, poor me, and more ugh…
I guess it’s good to know that I can live vicariously through all of the pregnancy’s and new babies around me, that I can readily get my hands on a brand new baby to soak up the goodness, put my hands on a growing belly (whether she likes it or not! Ha!) and while I’m sure that for the rest of my life, those moments and seeing what I so deeply had once longed for, will find me feeling a bit blue, it will also force me to take a moment to remember just how much I do have. I have a son who is magnificent. I have a son who is the light of my life, who is healthy and happy, who is a joy to be around, not only for me, but for all those that meet him. I am the mother of truly one of kindest, sweetest, funniest individuals I have ever met (and I’m not just saying this because I am a little biased – it’s TRUE!!) I also have the pleasure of being surrounded by some of the most amazing women, women who know my story, who know my struggles, but are not afraid to open up to me about their pregnancy’s, their new babies… I would be lost without these women in my life… I’m so fortunate to have them, watching them grow as mother’s having their 2nd, 3rd, 4th babies… it truly is a joy to me, despite the moments of hurt, the joy outweighs the hurt… The love outweighs the sadness…
and this face... this face that makes even the saddest heart smile...
