From Toddler Bed to Big Boy Bed…

A couple of weeks ago Greyson told me, “Mommy, I need a bigger bed, I need more rooooooommmm!!” So, mattress shopping we went and his toddler bed was converted from toddler bed, to big boy bed. Can I just mention here again, how happy we’ve been with this convertible crib!! It’s a Baby’s Dream and it was worth every penny (especially since the in-laws were the ones shelling out the pennies!!). It was a beautiful crib, the transition to toddler bed was SUPER easy and now it’s a gorgeous full size bed. It’s a tad on the high side (whoops, guess we should have bought a little bit less of a comfy mattress!!) but we found a great safety rail that tucks away into tracks that are between the mattress and the box springs so we can pop it up at night and the slide it away during the day if we want. Greyson loves it, he’s sleeping great in it and I can’t even begin to express how great it is to cuddle up in bed to read bedtime stories and lay with him until he falls asleep some nights…. Ahhh… it’s heaven.

(See ya later Toddler Bed, you've been great but it's time to go...)

(Ahhh.... room to stretch out... and yes, he sleeps with lots of "buddies"...)

Proof that I'm an evil evil mommy....

Maybe it's time for a haircut??

(I know, I know, I should be ashamed of my self... but he looks SO cute even with the tears!! He make's the cutest little girl!!!)

(what? you've never chased your son around the house trying to get pictures of the pig-tails he's so desperately trying to pull out?? psh....)

I promise, PROMISE to never do this again. I think I just gave my son his first topic for his future therapy sessions.

3 months…

Some days it’s still so very hard, my heart is still so bruised, so raw, so un-well. I’ve moved into this place of feeling like my grief has become a burden, everyone around me skirting by the issue, hoping and praying that nothing will set me off. I feel as if the whole world wants to forget, they want to forget my baby, my loss, my pain. I don’t want to forget, I don’t want to move on. Every single day feels wrong, it’s wrong that I’m working out like I am, trying to lose a little weight, I should be gaining. It’s wrong that I’m drinking a soda, I should be avoiding caffeine, it’s wrong that I can carry Greyson all the way through the grocery store, I shouldn’t be able to pick him up. It’s in my face every day in the flatness of belly, the missing kicks… I don’t know how to heal, I’ve come to realize that getting back to the “old Heather” will never happen, that girl is no longer inside me. I keep thinking that I should be doing better, I should be ok, I should be moving on and instead my heart just aches. I have so much, so much that I love, so much that sustains me, so much to be thankful for and yet at moments I feel so completely lost. Today Greyson drew a face with a sad face instead of a happy face. I asked “who is that baby?” “It’s you mommy” he replied. “Why did you give me a sad face?”

“Because you lost your baby.”

Everyday my heart hurts, some days more than others. It’s been 3 months (yesterday). Part of me is still very much in that day 3 months ago, it’s still so present, that it’s almost unfathomable for me that 3 whole months have passed.

Ahhh!!!

What a week! We’ve been SO busy. Greyson has started soccer, he’s also outgrown his toddler bed, so we converted it to his full size bed and I have a whole post about that coming soon I promise, and about soccer too! We also upgraded our computer, which resulted in losing a few things we thought we had backed up and ended up frying my I-Pod (nice…), and I’m not really good with change to start with, so new computer systems and now having to go buy a new I-Pod (because I seriously can’t go more than a few days without it!!!) I’ve been stressed! Alas, there is a silver lining and it comes in the form of the most recent version of Photoshop and LIGHTROOM!! How I’ve lived without Lightroom is beyond me, it so completely and totally rocks!

Here’s the proof!!

Wordless Wednesday...

Flashback Friday…

(I’m all into theme days lately huh??)

Greg and I will have been married for 5 years this summer, it doesn’t seem to have been that long at all, and seeing as how it’s basically been twice that long since we met, it’s pretty crazy. Our wedding was perfection if I do say so myself, just the two of us on a quiet beach in Costa Rica. We went into the day so relaxed, we enjoyed every moment of our wedding, and it was amazing.

I’ve often said how thankful I am to have Greg in my life, but honestly thankful doesn’t even come close to describing it. He saved me, he showed me how to live, how to love, how to be me. I can’t even begin to imagine where I would have ended up without him. He’s my best friend, my rock, my heart. Never in my life have I felt the love and safety I have felt since meeting him. I love you Greg, so very much. Thank you for giving me this wonderfully charmed life, thank you for being the one I’ve relied on so heavily through the pain of the last few months, for listening to me and loving me, for easing the pain in my heart with your love, patience and kindness, thank you for giving me wonderfully happy “Flashback Friday’s”.

(This has always been one of my most favorite pictures from our wedding. I had just been majorly splashed by a wave and the photographer said to Greg, "Give her a kiss to make it better!" and he did, and it did...)

Wordless Wednesday.

Quite a few bloggers do "Wordless Wednesday". I'm not sure what the rules really are other than it's supposed to just be a picture post, so yeah, I'm already breaking the rules with all these words, but, I think I'll do mine with a picture from that day. So from now on Wednesday's (when I participate which could be often or rarely... you know me!) I'll post a just a picture (no words from now on - I promise!) that was taken on that particular Wednesday. Could be interesting, no??

So anyway. I present today's Wordless Wednesday!!

Yeah, we went again today, and yeah I know, more words!! I can't help it!

Guess where we went???

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