Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Kindergarten School Pics...
I received the digital copies of Greyson's school pictures today. If you bought the entire package you got the digital images, so I of course decided that yes indeed I need 12 billion pictures (of 3 poses) of Greyson, all with "I just came from the playground hair"... I mean - who wouldn't??
He slays me this child of mine, his cuteness is just beyond!!
The hair!! Oh the hair...
and that smile... oh... it's too too much!!
How he makes me giggle in these pictures, they are so so so very Greyson Lee... The wacky sweaty messy hair, the smile that is so HUGE and eager, the glasses, the poses all of it is just SO my boy.
He slays me this child of mine, his cuteness is just beyond!!
The hair!! Oh the hair...
and that smile... oh... it's too too much!! 
How he makes me giggle in these pictures, they are so so so very Greyson Lee... The wacky sweaty messy hair, the smile that is so HUGE and eager, the glasses, the poses all of it is just SO my boy. Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Love and Logic…
We were introduced to the “Love and Logic” concept at Greyson’s school last year, after some reading up on the “concept” we realized that it was relatively close to the way we raise/discipline/teach Greyson or attempt to on average already, and loved the ideas, the thoughts and the ways we could do a better job of incorporating the basic principles into our/his life.
I should probably say first, that why it would be a blast to take all the credit for what a well behaved child Greyson is, I can’t, we just got really really lucky. He’s simply just a good kid and why I realize that we foster his “good” behaviors and give him the best possible environment to let those behaviors shine, the bottom line is, we just have a very chill kid, he’s a rule follower by nature, he aims to please by nature, he’s shy and sweet and often a bit reserved by nature. It makes being parents, disciplinarians, teachers, example setters, and even often friends or our child in a word – easy. Not to say he’s perfect, because trust me, he has his moments, but for the most part, he’s pretty perfect!
The other day I had this great Love and Logic moment with him that I’d wanted to blog about, and since my blog is all depressing and blah right now, I needed something to post so… TaDa!!
Greyson showers with Greg or I on a pretty regular basis, (I realize that this probably could lead to whole additional post about modesty and when is too old to be around your parents naked… and at this point we’re not there, the kid loves to be naked, we’re not a prudish family in any way I guess… I mean come on, I nursed the kid until he was over TWO, what did you expect??) Anyway, on to Love and Logic….
I was getting ready to get in the shower and Greyson said he wanted to take one too, but he was also playing on his I-Pod touch and I knew I didn’t have his full attention.
“Bud, I’m getting in the shower.”
“Ok, I want to come”
“Alrighty, see you in there…”
I took my shower and no Greyson. Now I could have yelled and screamed from the bathroom, but he’s 6 and this was a good opportunity to let him make his choices and deal with the consequences. We had nowhere to go, there was no need for him to take a quick shower, the situation was perfect for a little Love and Logic.
I’m out of the shower getting dressed and in he pops. Instant tears!
“I wanted to take a shower with you!!!”
“I know you did.”
“Why didn’t you come get me?!?!” he cried and cried and kept repeating this…
(Now I could have said – Go to your room until your done crying, I could have said I told you and you didn’t come it’s your own fault, I could have ignored him, yelled at him, told him to stop, forced him to take a shower on his own, I could have given in and taken another shower just to make it easier… lot’s of wrong options that wouldn’t teach him a thing…)
“I’m sorry that your sad and disappointed” (I showed him a little empathy.)
“I really wanted to take a shower with you!”
“I know that you did, what happened?”
“You didn’t tell me!!”
“Are you sure?”
“Well, you did but I got busy playing my game!!” and more tears started.
“Well buddy, I’m sorry that you made a choice that now has you upset and still in need of a shower, I’m going to finish getting ready, and you let me know when you have a solution.”
“What are my options?” (I love that he’s now asking for his options!! Ha!)
“Well, what do YOU think would be good options?”
“I don’t know! You tell me!”
“You’re a super smart boy Greyson, I know you can do this, you think about it for a bit and if you need some help later, I will help you, but I just bet you can come up with GREAT options, all on your own!”
“I want to take another shower with you!”
“I’ve already taken my shower and I’m getting dressed now.”
Sniffles… thinking… sniffles…
“Well, I guess I could take a shower on my own… OR maybe I could take a bath and you could sit and talk to me?”
“Those both sound like great options!”
“Will you sit and talk with me while I take a bath momma?”
“I’ll tell you what bud, you go get your bath started, and I’ll finish up in here and be there when I can.”
And off he happily skipped, feeling in control, feeling like he solved his own dilemma, because he did!! He had the power to make the choices, both good and bad and he learned. He learned about consequences, about problem solving. My hopes are that these small lessons now (lessons that can be taught in controlled circumstances) will lead to him having the confidence and the experience to make good choices, and to be a good problem solver as he gets older and the consequences are much more severe.
Was it the most enjoyable thing to stand there with dripping wet hair on cold tile to talk to my son? Nope. Did I enjoy listening to all the tears? Nope. Did I want to just make him stop, make that moment stop by either yelling or ignoring or giving in – ABSOLUTELY. Was the lesson WAY more important that any of that… ABSOLUTELY!!
Love and Logic… heavy on the love please… :0)
I should probably say first, that why it would be a blast to take all the credit for what a well behaved child Greyson is, I can’t, we just got really really lucky. He’s simply just a good kid and why I realize that we foster his “good” behaviors and give him the best possible environment to let those behaviors shine, the bottom line is, we just have a very chill kid, he’s a rule follower by nature, he aims to please by nature, he’s shy and sweet and often a bit reserved by nature. It makes being parents, disciplinarians, teachers, example setters, and even often friends or our child in a word – easy. Not to say he’s perfect, because trust me, he has his moments, but for the most part, he’s pretty perfect!
The other day I had this great Love and Logic moment with him that I’d wanted to blog about, and since my blog is all depressing and blah right now, I needed something to post so… TaDa!!
Greyson showers with Greg or I on a pretty regular basis, (I realize that this probably could lead to whole additional post about modesty and when is too old to be around your parents naked… and at this point we’re not there, the kid loves to be naked, we’re not a prudish family in any way I guess… I mean come on, I nursed the kid until he was over TWO, what did you expect??) Anyway, on to Love and Logic….
I was getting ready to get in the shower and Greyson said he wanted to take one too, but he was also playing on his I-Pod touch and I knew I didn’t have his full attention.
“Bud, I’m getting in the shower.”
“Ok, I want to come”
“Alrighty, see you in there…”
I took my shower and no Greyson. Now I could have yelled and screamed from the bathroom, but he’s 6 and this was a good opportunity to let him make his choices and deal with the consequences. We had nowhere to go, there was no need for him to take a quick shower, the situation was perfect for a little Love and Logic.
I’m out of the shower getting dressed and in he pops. Instant tears!
“I wanted to take a shower with you!!!”
“I know you did.”
“Why didn’t you come get me?!?!” he cried and cried and kept repeating this…
(Now I could have said – Go to your room until your done crying, I could have said I told you and you didn’t come it’s your own fault, I could have ignored him, yelled at him, told him to stop, forced him to take a shower on his own, I could have given in and taken another shower just to make it easier… lot’s of wrong options that wouldn’t teach him a thing…)
“I’m sorry that your sad and disappointed” (I showed him a little empathy.)
“I really wanted to take a shower with you!”
“I know that you did, what happened?”
“You didn’t tell me!!”
“Are you sure?”
“Well, you did but I got busy playing my game!!” and more tears started.
“Well buddy, I’m sorry that you made a choice that now has you upset and still in need of a shower, I’m going to finish getting ready, and you let me know when you have a solution.”
“What are my options?” (I love that he’s now asking for his options!! Ha!)
“Well, what do YOU think would be good options?”
“I don’t know! You tell me!”
“You’re a super smart boy Greyson, I know you can do this, you think about it for a bit and if you need some help later, I will help you, but I just bet you can come up with GREAT options, all on your own!”
“I want to take another shower with you!”
“I’ve already taken my shower and I’m getting dressed now.”
Sniffles… thinking… sniffles…
“Well, I guess I could take a shower on my own… OR maybe I could take a bath and you could sit and talk to me?”
“Those both sound like great options!”
“Will you sit and talk with me while I take a bath momma?”
“I’ll tell you what bud, you go get your bath started, and I’ll finish up in here and be there when I can.”
And off he happily skipped, feeling in control, feeling like he solved his own dilemma, because he did!! He had the power to make the choices, both good and bad and he learned. He learned about consequences, about problem solving. My hopes are that these small lessons now (lessons that can be taught in controlled circumstances) will lead to him having the confidence and the experience to make good choices, and to be a good problem solver as he gets older and the consequences are much more severe.
Was it the most enjoyable thing to stand there with dripping wet hair on cold tile to talk to my son? Nope. Did I enjoy listening to all the tears? Nope. Did I want to just make him stop, make that moment stop by either yelling or ignoring or giving in – ABSOLUTELY. Was the lesson WAY more important that any of that… ABSOLUTELY!!
Love and Logic… heavy on the love please… :0)
Friday, December 23, 2011
How?
I always think, I just have to get through that date, just get past December 22nd…
But here I am today, December 23rd, and you know what? It’s still just as bad, but like every other day, other than December 22nd, I put on my Heather face and go about my day. Yesterday I spent a lot of the day in bed, I snuggled Greyson and wrestled Greyson and let myself laugh with him, I cried and cried and got mad. I took longs naps and an even longer shower. I let my outsides show my insides… I’m not sure that it helped, not sure that it hurt… All day I kept asking one thing, “How?” How did this happen, How am I still going, How do I keep going, How can I ever be ok… How How How?
This last year has been a struggle for me, more so even I feel than the first two. I have changed so drastically much since that day 3 years ago, and I feel that the majority of those changes happened this year. I find myself wondering how (there I go with the how’s again) I would be, feel, think, react if my son had been born alive. It’s hard for me, to wrap my head around the changes in my life, the path so different than once thought…
I feel emotionally wiped out right now. I’m so thankful for the time off from school, time to snuggle my boy all day, revel in the joy that he brings me each and every day, time to relax and recharge, time to just be.
I’m ready to find my place, to find my pace, my spot, my “me”.
But here I am today, December 23rd, and you know what? It’s still just as bad, but like every other day, other than December 22nd, I put on my Heather face and go about my day. Yesterday I spent a lot of the day in bed, I snuggled Greyson and wrestled Greyson and let myself laugh with him, I cried and cried and got mad. I took longs naps and an even longer shower. I let my outsides show my insides… I’m not sure that it helped, not sure that it hurt… All day I kept asking one thing, “How?” How did this happen, How am I still going, How do I keep going, How can I ever be ok… How How How?
This last year has been a struggle for me, more so even I feel than the first two. I have changed so drastically much since that day 3 years ago, and I feel that the majority of those changes happened this year. I find myself wondering how (there I go with the how’s again) I would be, feel, think, react if my son had been born alive. It’s hard for me, to wrap my head around the changes in my life, the path so different than once thought…
I feel emotionally wiped out right now. I’m so thankful for the time off from school, time to snuggle my boy all day, revel in the joy that he brings me each and every day, time to relax and recharge, time to just be.
I’m ready to find my place, to find my pace, my spot, my “me”.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
To my sweet baby boy…
3 years ago.
3 years ago I went to bed having no idea what lay before me. Some days it seems as if it was a life time ago but most days it still feels as raw and as painful as if it were yesterday. I keep thinking that time will heal my heart, time will make it easier, time will get me back to normal – but the truth is sweet love, time can’t heal this. I miss you every single day, I think of you every single day, I feel the huge hole in my life every single day. I wish that 3 years ago tonight I would have known then what I know now. I wish that I would have known what was coming, that I would have been better prepared. There are so many things about that night that haunt mommy still. I didn’t hold you, I was so afraid that you would fall apart, I didn’t kiss your tiny little head or put your teeny tiny fingers in mine. How could I have not held you, I ask myself this question almost daily, I’m so sorry sweet boy, Momma was just so scared… I hate that I didn’t touch you and hold you and kiss your sweet head, I didn’t wrap you up in anything, I didn’t do anything, you were just so impossibly tiny, perfect in every way but so so tiny and I was panicked… It’s no excuse, I should have known better, I should have been better, you deserved better. I want you back, I want you here, I want to wake up from the fog of the last 3 years and find you still growing in my tummy…
But I know I can’t have any of that. I know I have to keep going, for you and for your big brother. So tonight I’ll be sad, and I’ll cry – a lot. But I promise you this sweet boy, I will keep loving you every single day, I will keep striving to be the best mother I can to your big brother, we will keep your sweet memory alive by talking about you and remembering you. Greyson tells everyone we meet about you, it’s really rather sweet. He would have been an amazing big brother, I wish I could have seen the two of you together… So many wishes…
I love you.
Momma
3 years ago I went to bed having no idea what lay before me. Some days it seems as if it was a life time ago but most days it still feels as raw and as painful as if it were yesterday. I keep thinking that time will heal my heart, time will make it easier, time will get me back to normal – but the truth is sweet love, time can’t heal this. I miss you every single day, I think of you every single day, I feel the huge hole in my life every single day. I wish that 3 years ago tonight I would have known then what I know now. I wish that I would have known what was coming, that I would have been better prepared. There are so many things about that night that haunt mommy still. I didn’t hold you, I was so afraid that you would fall apart, I didn’t kiss your tiny little head or put your teeny tiny fingers in mine. How could I have not held you, I ask myself this question almost daily, I’m so sorry sweet boy, Momma was just so scared… I hate that I didn’t touch you and hold you and kiss your sweet head, I didn’t wrap you up in anything, I didn’t do anything, you were just so impossibly tiny, perfect in every way but so so tiny and I was panicked… It’s no excuse, I should have known better, I should have been better, you deserved better. I want you back, I want you here, I want to wake up from the fog of the last 3 years and find you still growing in my tummy…
But I know I can’t have any of that. I know I have to keep going, for you and for your big brother. So tonight I’ll be sad, and I’ll cry – a lot. But I promise you this sweet boy, I will keep loving you every single day, I will keep striving to be the best mother I can to your big brother, we will keep your sweet memory alive by talking about you and remembering you. Greyson tells everyone we meet about you, it’s really rather sweet. He would have been an amazing big brother, I wish I could have seen the two of you together… So many wishes…
I love you.
Momma
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
...
I looked at your pictures tonight…
It was a lot harder than I thought it would be.
2 years, 51 weeks.
One week away from 3 years.
3 years that you’ve been gone…
My heart hurts, it hurts so very bad.
I still love you, I always will.
I still miss you, I always will...
It was a lot harder than I thought it would be.
2 years, 51 weeks.
One week away from 3 years.
3 years that you’ve been gone…
My heart hurts, it hurts so very bad.
I still love you, I always will.
I still miss you, I always will...
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
So you think you can dance??
Because this kid has some moooooves, and some days, you just really need a pajama dance party!!
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