4

4 years ago I was pregnant…

4 years and 1 day ago, I was not.

This doesn’t get any easier.  As much as I’ve said, “We’re done, no more babies for us, I can’t do it again” there was always this little whisper that said, “you will…”  We tried this summer, and it didn’t happen, and now as hard as I try to hear that whisper, it’s not there.

 4 years, and I still feel the shock, the pain, the anguish, a sadness that wrings me dry of tears and envelopes me so fully that every heart beat hurts…

 

Dear baby boy,
I’m sorry.
Love,
Momma

1st grade spelling...

So 1st grade spelling is no joke!!  This week (yes, just this week) Greyson is learning the phonic rule of "i_e" long i, spelled with the bossy e.

Therefore, his spelling words for just this week are:

slide
stride
price
slice
twice
shine
spine
airline
combine
sunshine
device
sacrifice
collide
decide
divide
entice

Yeah... pretty sure he'll spell better than me by 3rd grade!! Oh who am I kidding, the kid spells better than I do now!!  Oh and he's reading Chapter books and he's doing 4 digit addition (carry the 1) and lots of multiplication!!  He's definitely being challenged, but he loves it!!

Report Card Comments...

Dear Greyson,

 

Your first report card came home from your new school this week.  It was near perfect of course, just like you, but beyond the good grades, were the comments.  It made momma cry to see that others see you the way that I do, that your heart shines through.  I am so proud of you.  Here are your teachers comments straight from your report card:

 

Greyson has proven to be a wonderful addition to this first grade class!  Serious about his reading and considerate of others, it is a pleasure to welcome Greyson to the library each week.

Greyson is very kind and hardworking. He is always enthusiastic about Art projects and lessons. It’s been great getting to know Greyson this past month.

 

Greyson is a hard working, independent student. He takes pride in his work and greets each task with enthusiasm. All aspects of the curriculum seem to interest him, and it shows in his work. Greyson is a great reader and is working on slowing down to read each word and not skip or guess words. Math comes easily to Greyson and he shines during mathematics. Greyson is well-liked by his classmates and has a heart of gold. He follows rules and is kind and considerate to his teacher and classmates. It is a pleasure to teach Greyson!

 

 

I couldn't be more proud of you buddy.  You are such a special little person, who brings so much joy to every single person you meet.  I love you more than words can even begin to express.

Love with lot's of xo's,
Momma

Instagram Update...

 

Greyson can totally rock some big sunglasses... We love Florida because up until a few weeks ago, we could also still rock some big waves...  Today however, mid 60's and we bundled up in boots and hats and scarves... :)

 

Most days this is how we get home from school... His new school day is over at 2:30, but starts at 8:00 and with it being about 25 minutes away, it makes for early mornings, and car-cat naps on the way home... Which I find to be the most adorable thing ever!!

We're spending lots and lots of time at Arnold Palmer's Children Hospital which is like the Disney Land of Hospitals, the other day our nurses came in to tell us that the Dr. was running late for Greyson's treatment and with her she brought a portable DVD player and huge selection of movies and an extra blanket fresh from the warmer... So we snuggled up and watched about 30 minutes of the Lion King and I cried and thought how lucky we are to have such great care for our peanut.  **

 

Sometimes I find it hard to say "No"... and then we end up with Bears that are bigger than us, who we name Dexter and have to hug and kiss goodnight and put a seat belt on when he goes with us... and really, saying "No" is overrated (I might be a sucker...)

 

and you thought you were having a bad hair day??

 

 

Put a hat on it!  Instant cuteness!! :)

 

 

**  We are finally on the road to getting Greyson's tummy issues sorted out.  After a 2nd referral to a new pediatric GI, we were at the mecca - Arnold Palmer Children's Hospital and answers and concerns started flowing our way.  We were pretty scared for a while that Greyson had Hirschprung's, but thankfully the test they do to confirm was negative.  We did find however that he has a rare condition with the muscles in his bowels/rectum but with treatments and home "exercises" and a lot of work and a lot of trips to Orlando (that's where Arnold Palmer's is) hopefully in about a year (9 months if he continues to be the rock star he has shown to be) we could be off all the meds, done with all the treatments and I might be able to retire Greyson's poops as one of my main topics of conversation, which I can assure you makes most of my friends cheer for joy! 



New School – Whoa!!

Last week was Greyson’s 1st week at his new school, and honestly it already feels like we’ve been there forever. He has been such a rock star and is SO excited to get up every morning and head to school. It is a bit of a drive, about 25 minutes each way, but worth it. His old school was 9-4:00, this one is 8-2:30, which even though that means he’s up at 6:00, the out at 2:30 is making our life pretty dreamy!! I love, LOVE the extra time I’m getting with him every afternoon!! Before it was always a rush to do homework and get dinner ready, now we have time to spend on homework (which we need!! More on that later!) and we still have time to play before I need to start dinner, and that my friends is excellent!!

Speaking of homework, hello crazy whoa!! Greyson was head of his class in his old school, could pretty much sit down and rock out his homework on his own and be done in 10 minutes – those days are gone. The curriculum is definitely more advanced, especially in reading, writing and vocabulary. I mean a few of his spelling words this week are: people, important and farewell – not easy words by any stretch, and the reading and writing every night about what we are reading - keeps us super busy for sure! Math Greyson still finds ridiculously easy and a week and a half in, his teacher is working hard at keeping him challenged and still maintaining the concept learning. Honestly though I’m almost thankful now that math is his one easy breezy subject!! Science and Social Studies are also two subjects that are focused on much more, we have our first big project due in 2 weeks!! It’s a life in the past poster project and I’m super excited to help him do the research and start creating his poster!

As for me – well I’ve adjusted pretty well. It was hard to leave the people (well, some people – ha ha!!) so I made the decision that I would jump in and get as involved as possible… Ha!! I’m now on the board of the PTO and have volunteered multiple times in Greyson’s classroom!! Yesterday his teacher came out to traffic circle (pick-up) with Greyson with a garbage bag full of empty water bottles for me to take home to make “shakers” for Friday’s pep-rallly, we’re decorating the bottles tomorrow, and yes, I have volunteered to help organize a decorating table!! I have 2 major fundraiser’s to start planning and so far today have received about 15 e-mails from the other moms on the PTO board. So yeah, I’m thinking you could say I jumped in with both feet and got involved! I kind of love it though and am super excited!!

At the end of the day Greyson is THRIVING in the new environment and that is all this momma cares about!!

On the eve of Seven…

Seven years ago I had no idea what I was in for.  I had walked around Sams club that October 1^st, huge and miserable, lots of people asked, “Oh! When are you due?” to which I would reply, “TODAY!!” I walked and walked and ate spicy food and did all the tricks we could think of, after all it was your due date and I was ready to meet you!

Later that night I went in to labor and hours upon hours later, you were here.  That’s the day, seven years ago, that I found out who I really was in this world, your mom.

Now here we are seven years later… and because it wouldn’t be your yearly letter without me saying it, this past year was by far my favorite!  You have continued on your course of amazing.  You are so bright and kind and special.  You’ve come out of your shell even more this year, but continue to be reserved and mellow, you’re a thinker and rule-follower, yet a leader of your own.  You’ve gained a voice and an opinion, your own point of view, thoughts and ideas for this world around you.  You inspire me every single day to be a better person, I look at you and see only goodness, you strive for good even at the young age of six, (now seven) and it floors me. 

You have a laugh that makes me smile from my toes, together we can giggle for hours at a time and the harder we try to stop the more we giggle, giggles turn to belly laughs, belly laughs into faces that hurt when we try to smile.  You are clever and smart, at this age academics come easy, you excel in math and in reading too.  You put concepts together and you work hard to understand, never taking for granted how easy things come, but always working to do your very best.  You recently started karate and so far you love it!  You play basketball and golf with your daddy.  Your new school offers tennis club and you can’t wait to give that a try.  Speaking of new schools, you started there today and you shined like the super star you are!!  I’m so proud of you, handling the change, the newness and un-familiarity so well!!  You continue to be that go with the flow, laid back, relaxed and easy child, we love you so much!

This year you took up cards!  You play Euchre and you are really really good at it!! Everyone who sees (or hears) you play is amazed that at 6, and now 7 you not only play, but get the game and are so good.  You’re fearless and we all fight to be your partner!!  It’s just another one of those little facets that makes you so you.  You are equal parts, smart, kind, funny and oh so stinkin’ adorable!!

We continue to be the Disney fanatics we’ve always been.  You still love it and I still love seeing your face light up at the things you’ve seen hundreds of times before.  This year you figured out that the Characters you see there are not the real Mickey and Minnie (etc…).  “Mommy,” you said to me, “I know that it’s just people inside of costumes, I could feel them when I hugged them.”  Oh it made me laugh… So I told you that yes, they were people in costumes… Then you went on to say, “I mean, Mickey has to be so busy filming his show and making movies, like he can hang out at Disney all day…” and that my son is why you are my favorite person ever!!  You’re just so clever and smart and innocent and honest and everything I love.

I cannot thank you enough for all that you bring to my life.  You are my true joy.  I promise to continue to work each and every day at being the best mommy I can be, the mommy you need and want and deserve.  Thank you for teaching me all that you do, for making me a mommy, for everything that you are.  I love you more than words can ever say, I am so proud of you.  Seven years old, amazing…

I love you more,
Momma

A different view...

This morning I woke up, it was late, we had slept in... It was Monday.  No school today... No school tomorrow either or the rest of this week... You are school-less right now, and it's been sucky to say the least.

Next week, October 1st you will start at a new school.  Moving you 6 weeks into the school year, not our idea of fun, but for the rest of this month you are with out school and we spent last week being super sad about it and I refuse to be sad any longer, so this week, this vacation we have been gifted, we're going to live it up!!  We're going to go to Disney and the beach and have a photo day, we'll shop and eat at our favorite restaurants and maybe try some place new, we'll go see a movie and have ice cream for lunch, we'll cram as much fun into this week as possible and next week we'll boldly walk hand in hand into your new school and you will take it by storm.  There is no doubt you will thrive and be loved and make friends and find your way, because you are you, and you are amazing.

and then Mommy will drive away and the sadness will settle back in.  I loved your old school, I loved the people, maybe the people too much.  I'm disappointed, truly and totally disappointed to the very depths of my soul... It's been a struggle un-like any other, making the decision to move you, and ultimately Mommy and Daddy had to put all personal feelings aside and do what we truly felt was best for you, and our decision was validated in the actions and attitudes that followed, which is where the true disappointment set in... We looked to you often during this week Greyson, reminding ourselves so often that no matter what snarky comment or "not nice" thing we longed to say, no matter how badly we wanted to get the last word in, point fingers or call people out, we tried very hard to take the high road, to bite our tongues and to move forward as kindly as possible.  We looked to you and thought to ourselves what would we want Greyson to do, to see, to feel, what would Greyson do right this minute, and then it was easy, because you are simply good, you really are such an amazing little person, you are kind and honest and good through and through.  It's easy to follow your lead even though you are just six (so soon to be seven).  Your courage and strength are teaching us so much right now, letting us view the entire situation from a different angle.  Changing schools is not a crime, nor is it a sin, and to be spoke negatively or wished anything but success and happiness is not even worth our time or thoughts.

I've learned that I will gladly be spoke negatively about, made to feel like an outsider, and treated poorly by people I once called friends, if it means the best for you.  There are many who could learn a lesson in honesty, integrity and kindness from you my dear boy.  I am so proud to be your mother and I have no doubt that your new school will be so proud to have you as a member of their family.  I've also learned a thing or two about true friends, true friends who get stuck in the messy ugly middle, and it breaks my heart to know that I had some part in putting them there.  True friends who I knew had my back, who felt my pain, who cried with me and for me for all the right reasons, who while they were disappointed in our decision to move you, tried very hard to understand, to accept and to support, they were simply just a real friend.  So in those darkest moments of sadness and disappointment, in the moments where I feel like we've lost so much more than just the place you went to school, I cling to the thoughts of my true friend, who I surely hope I can be as sweet and kind as one day, because the last couple of years she has always proved to be one of the kindest, truest, most sincere people I've ever known...  I love you SS!!

Onward and upward little man - let's have a ridiculous good time this week!!

xo's

P.S. - I'm closing comments, because.... yeah, just because.

Apple - Tree...

The apple does indeed not fall far from the tree...  Spitting image - No?

 

Updates and such...

Life as it usually does has recently (always) had a way of slipping away from me.  We're back in the hustle and bustle of school, packing lunches, driving to and from, homework, dinner, etc... etc... etc... until we fall to bed exhausted and all "Whoa, it's already Monday (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday) again? Huh??" and on and on until today when it hit me that in 3 short weeks, Greyson will be 7.  Excuse me, what exactly did I just type?  7, as in SEVEN... ah yes, he'll be 7 which means I'm like 112... and need a nap.

 

In un-related news (to my whoa is me my baby is SEVEN!!) we have kind of a health update, if by update you mean, watch Greyson's mom beat her head into this brick wall repeatedly...

 

All tests have come back normal - Yay, except for not because all symptoms are still present.  We saw the GI again today and honestly I think she was just having a really bad day, we were there for about 67 hours and she seemed really unsure and frazzled and so I want to give her the benefit of the doubt because at our first appointment she totally rocked my socks.  We're scheduled for an Upper GI on the the 19th, which annoys me because while it will be nice to rule out Ulcers - HE HAS NO SYMPTOMS OF ULCERS!!! Aaaargh!!! I above anyone don't want to do super invasive tests on my son, I get that.  However there comes a point and time where it's like, now you're just grasping straws, do the freaking colonoscopy or manometry test already and lets figure this out, at the end of the day if it comes down to, "Hey, this is just how Greyson's body works and we can handle it with the following diet and meds" I will be so A-ok with that and we'll deal, but what I don't want to happen is years from now we go, "Oh bummer, so wish we would have done those test that could have prevented your kid now having to have a colostomy bag for the rest of his life" and yes, I realize that is probably being a little over the top, but I'm OVER my kid hurting...  I'd rather be like, "well we did those tests and now we know for sure" over worrying every day forever and ever that we're not helping him get better and potentially making him worse...

 

At least he is still cute as can be and the most awesome thing to ever happen... EVER!

Phineas and Ferb are most definitely in the top 10 of most awesome things to ever happen...

The night before 1st grade...

and all through the house
come the giggles of Greyson
he squeaks like a mouse!!

It's after 10, you must go to bed!
I can't mom, I can't
There's too much in my head!!

You'll be tired in the morning
I say as we snuggle
You should be sleeping, you should be snoring!

With one last giggle, and one last sigh...
I tuck him in tight
and sing rock-a-bye...


Ok, that was actually pretty lame-sauce!  It's after 10:00 and I can still hear the giggles of Greyson sneaking out of his room - he's just too excited to sleep!!  Silly Rabbit!!

Hope he'll always be THIS EXCITED for 1st day's of school...

Summer is over... Wait! What??





Yes, it's sad but true... Summer break has come to an end.  Monday it's back to school... Sigh...  Summer went by so so so fast.  Too fast!! I need more at home days with my little man, more beach days and water park days!  More sleep in days and snuggle in PJ's all day days!!

However, it's back to school and back to schedule and back to lunches packed, homework checked, uniforms clean and ready to go!!



Dear Greyson,

You are going into the 1st grade!! That is such big stuff!!  I know that you're ready, more than ready and have no doubts that you will excel this year just as you did last.  You have a bit bigger class size this year and mommy worries that you'll get lost in the shuffle, but then I remember how amazing you are and know you will shine to your teachers and they'll no doubt love you and take care of you!  You're so ready to go, so excited to go back, although you say it would be better if you were going back to Miss DeGroot (oh how we will miss her!!).  But I know you will love your new teacher too!!  This is going to be an awesome year for you, a year of more independence and learning so many new things, discovering more of who you are and what you love.  I can hardly wait to see all this year will bring!!  I love you to the moon!!

Love,

Momma

One last trip to Disney... (well, one last trip before school starts that is!!)

Hello Mickey Mouse!

and Minnie too!

We love us some Pluto!!

always a good time posing with Goofy!!

But it was Donald who cracked us up!!

Covering your Mickey's!!

Giving you some attitude!!

and finally posing as only a duck does!

Epcot brought smooches... Momma's favorite!!

a great day had by all 3 of us!!  So glad we got to spend the Friday before school starts together!!  We love you Greyson Lee... Thanks for being the reason Daddy and I get to have SO MUCH FUN!!

Just a little health update:

We saw the pediatric GI on Monday.  She's about as stumped as the rest of us and is going to get all of his records, ultrasounds and x-rays to review.  She ordered blood work and a myriad of other tests (including Celiac) and all of those have come back negative.  The next steps are more invasive procedures that make me nervous... We'll be seeing her again in a couple of weeks to talk about those.  In the mean time we've done another clean-out and Greyson handled it like a champ (the poor baby!) He has good days and bad, but overall he's perfection, as always!!

Happiness....

No better friend, than a furry friend... 

Catching a wave...

We so have boogie boarding down...

Surf's up?!?

Oh... yeah... 

Summer Check In...

Dear Greyson...

Well, here we are half way through summer break (maybe a little more than half?) and wow has it gone by fast!! It's not really been the summer we dreamed of... There has been fun, yes fun for sure, beach time, pool time, water park time too... We've gone to movies and painted pottery and spent entire days in our pj's... We've rode our bikes, and hiked our trails, we've shopped and snuggled and laughed until our sides hurt.  But, we've spent a lot of time at Dr.'s again... See little one, you have a belly that just drives momma insane.  We've fought this for years, and years and years.  Doctors always treating the symptoms and not the problem.  This summer momma has had enough, so armed with information, your diet all written out and a bit of an attitude, momma finally got through to your doctors.  So finally it feels as if mommy and your doctors are on the same page, and we've finally got the referral we wanted to a Pediatric GI.  In a few weeks (or hopefully sooner, as we're on the cancellation list) we'll head to Boreland Groover Hospital and momma will once again, go armed with her information, her pages of your diet, and her attitude, because it's my job to fight for your health care, to make them listen, to make them look at everything... Cross every t and dot every i...

All I want are answers, I know in my heart of hearts that no matter the diagnosis, no matter the cause, we can get through this, we just need the answers so we can make the right decisions and get you the best care possible.  I'm confident that it will be something simple, because isn't it always??  I just want to know, so we can move forward.  Mommy is tired of seeing you miserable, and you are such a trooper, putting on a brave face... You never complain of the things you have to do, the diet you have to eat... You are so strong my love bug and I'm so proud of you!!  It breaks mommas heart that at 6 you worry, my little 65 year old man, trapped in a 6 year old's body... You worry and you fret and you say such responsible things... Things no 6 year old should say, you worry about your Fiber intake and how many ounces of water you've had to drink... You turn away cookies and crackers for Cantaloupe, Watermelon and Cucumbers... You my bug a boo, are amazing...

We'll get this figured out once and for all sweet boy...

I love you so much!
Love,
Momma

Veggie subs for everyone!! 

Splash!!

First you wait and check it out... you get ready...

Then you take a leap!!

and SPLASH!!

 More sun, means more outside time... This time we opted for fresh water...



Life is good...

Ever so good!!

and then there was sunshine...

After what felt like weeks and weeks and months and days and oh my goodness we're floating away!! Tropical storm Debby (downer) moved on off the east coast late last week.  We'd been trapped in the house, sure we went and painted some pottery, we shopped, we went to the movies... But we were getting stir crazy, our lungs full of nothing but damp air conditioned air, we'd slept too much, taken too many naps, stayed in our pj's all day, and we were grumpy!  So late Wednesday night as sun began to shine just as it was also setting, I said to the boy child - tomorrow we're going to the beach!  I knew the surf would be a wash, not big waves, not flat, not the rolling little waves we love but messy and moody from the storm still stirring things up, but it didn't matter.  All we needed was towels, a bag of sunscreens at various SPF's some to rub in, some to spray, one a stick to get noses and cheeks, water and sandals and most importantly his boogie board... 

 (This is all I have to carry to the beach these days... it's awesome!)

 We left tired, sun baked and happy...

Welcome back sunshine, oh how we have missed you!!

Photographers Dream...

Last week one of my best friends welcomed into the world her new baby boy.  4 days later, I was able to set up shop and spend a few perfect hours attempting to capture the cuteness that is baby Silas, which is impossible because he's the cutest thing ever!  This was definitely the best session I've ever shot, he was so good to me!!  Here are a just a few of my favorites... :)

Let me just say here, that this is a shot I've been dreaming of for SO long... I love that I was able to get it!!  I'm definitely learning as I go along and this one was a baby posing, picture composit-ing learning experience, but I love it!!



You can never go wrong with a baby in a sweet little hat...

 Touchdown?  I think so!!

 Such sweetness...

This one... oh this one is at the top of my list right now for favorite baby picture ever... It's another one that I've spent many hours dreaming of, and I'm so glad I got it!!

Here is a little behind the scenes shot of the craziness of my portable (I will now take over your house) studio and me in action!  (Yes Stacey, I totally stole this picture from your blog! Ha!)

and the result...

 nothing better than a bowl full of baby...

Thanks so much to Silas' family (I also got amazing pics with his big brother and mom and dad and grandma too!!) for letting me come into your life on just day 4 with all my craziness!! I love not only the amazing results we got in pictures, but just the time I was able to bond with the whole family!!  You guys are truly some of my most favorite faces! Love you bunches!!

Disney Trip - Video Style!!

Make a video - it's fun, easy and free!
www.onetruemedia.com

Oh that's right, I'm supposed to blog!!

We've been having so much fun this summer, that um.... errrr... I kinda forgot to blog... Ah... (no one is really surprised right??)

So it's been a couple of awesome weeks of summer vacation so far!!  We've done lots of water park time, lots of pool time, basketball camp (3 weeks left of that!) and this past week we were at Disney!! (a whole post coming about that soon!!)

For now - enjoy the pics of the first week of summer!! :)

Sliding down with mom is still cool... :)

 Swimming!!

Water park fun...

Basketball Camp!! He shoots! He scores!!!

and then... the unthinkable happened...  If you know me, and well you're reading my blog so you do.  I have refused REFUSED to buy light up shoes for Greyson.  Because, I think they are tacky, and they always have characters on them, and don't even get me started on character clothing (Greyson has PJ's and maybe like 4 other character items.) So even though he begs and pleads and is ever so cute, I've always said "NO"  until we found these bad boys at Disney this week... Mickey Crocs, that LIGHT UP!!  Greyson loves them, and honestly, I like them too... :)  Oh Disney - so clever...